Steeped in rich cultural significance, Desi weddings—traditional South Asian weddings held by individuals of Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Sri Lankan heritage—are filled with elaborate, multi-day celebrations, honouring the union of not only the bride and groom, but of their families as well. 

Given the number of events involved, a typical Desi wedding can cost anywhere between $35,000 to $75,000 (or more). With lavish celebrations being the cultural norm, Neha Haider (you may know her as @ok_neha_ on Instagram and @ok_neha TikTok) broke the mold without breaking the bank. 

“We decided to take a different approach, opting for a more intimate and meaningful celebration,” Neha explained. Instead of the usual extravagance associated with South Asian weddings, she and her husband chose to host a private ceremony at home.

“Our decision was influenced by several factors, including that we’re both at the very beginning of our careers. We wanted to avoid the expense of a large wedding, and save those grander celebrations for a time when we’re older, more financially stable and better equipped to handle the stress of planning.”

We chatted with Neha about her experience as a Desi bride, from finances to family to DIY decor. Read on to discover that yes, Wal-mart is a viable option for a manicure, and it is possible to tell your aunties that you’re cutting the guest list.

How many events did you have? 

Traditionally, Pakistani weddings include several events with hundreds of guests over a week or even a month. These typically include (but aren’t limited to):

• Mehndi: a colourful celebration with dancing and music, and traditional henna application for the bride.
• Nikkah: the main Islamic wedding ceremony where the bride and groom are officially married in the presence of an officiant and sign a marriage contract.
• Shaadi/Baraat: the main wedding reception, hosted by the bride's family.
• Walima: another large reception, hosted by the groom’s family.

Attendees can also expect smaller celebratory events between these main celebrations.

In total, we had three small events:

• Milad (120+ people): this event, hosted by my husband’s family, marked the start of the wedding celebrations and was held at our mosque for the women of the community. It traditionally involves reciting traditional poetry and songs and offering well wishes to the bride. Having a larger Milad allowed us to celebrate with family friends who we couldn’t include in our Nikkah.
• Dholki (30-40 people): This was a fun and colorful gathering that my mom hosted at my parents' house with close friends. It involves the women playing drums (dhol), singing and dancing.
• Nikkah (60-70 people): This was the official Islamic ceremony where we were pronounced husband and wife. This was the most significant event for me— the other two events were important for our parents to host since we weren’t having the traditional large reception events.

In three to five years when we have larger wedding celebrations, I plan to have a bridal shower with my bridesmaids, a bachelorette party or trip, a Mehndi event (with loads of choreographed dances), a formal Walima reception, along with an elaborate honeymoon.

How early did you start saving and budgeting for your wedding?

I didn’t have a formal budget for our wedding—my approach was simply to spend as little money as possible. Desi weddings are often seen as family events rather than just between the bride and groom, with costs typically being shared by both families. So many of the expenses didn’t fall directly on me. However, I did cover some of the costs that were important to me, like the photographer, makeup artist and henna.

I’ve always saved money since I started working at age 16, so I was able to rely on my savings and my full-time marketing job to cover my expenses. Since my husband and I wanted a low-key event and didn’t necessarily want any celebrations beyond our Nikkah, our parents covered the costs of the extra elements they wanted, like the additional events and catering.

In terms of budgeting, my mom kept track of our expenses, and we monitored total costs every week to see where we could cut back. For example, about two weeks before the wedding, we reviewed our total expenses and decided not to spend as much on bridal jewelry, based on how costs were adding up.

How much time did you have to plan each event?

I had one month to plan the main Nikkah event, since that’s when we landed on a date. For the smaller events like the Dholki and Milad, we had about three weeks to plan. Living in Alberta added some stress since there are limited options for Desi bridal fashion. Ordering from designers back home in Pakistan often required a 16 week notice, which we were unable to meet. Despite the timeline, everything came together beautifully in the end.  

Where did you save and where did you splurge?

Save

• Wedding dress: my goal was to stay under $3,000 for my South Asian bridal outfit. Given the limited options in Edmonton, I ended up ordering a dress from a Pakistani designer online, which was affordable (around $450), but I did have to compromise on the design.
• Venue: having an intimate ceremony at home instead of a venue saved over $10,000.
• Makeup artist: I did my own makeup for the two smaller events, when most brides would hire a professional.
• Bridal henna artist: I chose the least expensive option and allowed the artist creative freedom to keep costs low. For our future wedding, I plan to splurge on henna and have a more intentional design that captures details from our love story.
• Bridal jewelry: instead of purchasing pieces over $500, I opted for more affordable jewelry from local sellers that still looked stunning. In total that cost me about $120.
• Videographer: we skipped a professional videographer and had friends capture videos of the day on their phones.
• Manicure: I opted for $10 press-on nails from Walmart instead of a $60-$80 bridal manicure from a salon.
• DIY decor: for the Milad and Dholki, my best friends and family spent hours decorating our mosque and my parents’ house—we passed these decorations on to other friends to use in their weddings. My mom made our wedding entrance sign (sharizkreations).

Splurge

• Photographer: it was important to me to have the moments of the day professionally captured—especially as a content creator who loves sharing my life moments online.
• Caterer: while this was less of a priority for me, my family had high standards for a caterer, and chose one who could provide options for our vegetarian friends. Desi weddings often put an emphasis on food—it’s what everyone talks about on the drive home.
• Ceremony decor: we splurged on an outdoor tent setup to create a nice dining area for guests after the ceremony.
• Wedding rings: while we initially planned to save this for our future wedding events, we decided it would be special to exchange rings now. I’d also consider this a “save” since we chose simple designs to keep costs low, but my husband promised to replace mine with a more elaborate one when we’re more financially stable. I love my current wedding ring though!

Is there anything you would change in hindsight?

I would have set more realistic expectations about the overall costs. Despite trying to keep expenses low, it's difficult to have a truly low-key Desi wedding, and the costs ended up being higher than I anticipated. I might have stressed less about it all.

Having more time to plan would have been ideal. For future events, I would choose a wedding date at least a year in advance. This would give friends and family plenty of time to prepare and allow me the time to organize everything the way I want, without the stress of tight deadlines.

Did you have support planning or putting together your events? How did your parents play a role in the finances of the wedding?

I had a lot of support from friends and family, including those back home who couldn't attend. My mom took charge of most of the planning since I was living in Calgary for work. She selected my outfits for all three events, sent me photos to choose from, handled inquiries with designers and even called FedEx daily to make sure my main wedding dress arrived on time. My uncle in Pakistan shipped my outfits to us in Canada, while my husband's aunt shopped for and shipped his. 

My aunties hung flowers from the ceiling and helped with DIY decorations for the Nikkah. My mom created the welcome sign, and my friends added fresh flowers to it on the day of the ceremony. I ordered a cake from a local baker, and my best friends wrote “Qubool Hai” (“I do”) on it with frosting, just like I wanted. It was an “all hands on deck” moment and we couldn’t have done it without the support of our family and friends.

In most Desi cultures, specific events are traditionally the responsibility of either the bride’s or the groom’s parents. The Nikkah is the bride’s family’s responsibility, so that was covered by my family, along with the Dholki. The Milad was hosted by my husband’s family.

Since Desi weddings are usually very large, how did your guests react to your intimate wedding?

Our guests loved the intimate Nikkah event, and many, including viewers online who resonated with my wedding story, were inspired to embrace the small-wedding trend themselves. By the end of it, our family and friends understood our decision to have larger celebrations later when we can plan more grand events. Everyone recognized that big weddings can quickly become hectic and expensive. 

Whether big or small, the most important thing for my husband and I was to celebrate in a way that felt right, surrounded by our favourite people. We’re thrilled that everything came together so beautifully and are excited to celebrate in a few years with even more people.

Did you ever feel pressure from family, friends or other Desi brides on social media (or otherwise) to do things a certain way?

I did feel some pressure from Desi brides both on social media and in real life to have a traditional wedding. This included hosting all my wedding events within the same year and having large, extravagant celebrations with elaborate outfits and makeup. 

However, younger people were generally very supportive of my choices. My friends, who are all married, also had very traditional weddings, but there was no pressure from them. It was mostly the older generation in our community and our families who pressured us to follow certain traditions and have our events all together.

South Asian cultures often value reputation and public opinion, so our parents sometimes found it challenging to explain our choices to their friends. Thankfully, my parents were always supportive and trusted my decisions. I’ve also received hundreds of messages from girls on social media who feel the same way about their weddings and are using my experience to advocate for themselves with their own families. I’m happy to inspire others to have a wedding that works for them instead of succumbing to social pressures.

Meet Neha.

Neha is a Calgary based content creator who creates content to inspire her audience through unique and sophisticated fashion looks. She shares daily content about fashion, beauty, her favourite products, vlogs, and her career journey on TikTok and Instagram.